I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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