it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just invented taco cereal.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
