he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
