What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
