i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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