Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We need to get me chipped asap
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
