Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
