I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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