i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
