"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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