I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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