i think my tv is drunk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
