i'm signing you up for texting rehab
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
