sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Blood and glitter go together right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
