Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
