cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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