haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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