hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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