he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize