I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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