I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
