why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize