Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We got so high we made milksteak
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize