that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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