Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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