i just made my gag reflex go away.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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