that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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