I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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