but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
