a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
