just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
