With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
