I wanna bring you to show and tell
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
