I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize