So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize