Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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