i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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