i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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