He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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