The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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