I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
