My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
