i came on her dog
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
