Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
