Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
