remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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