Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
