his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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