Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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