We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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