I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I supernannyed him into submission
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
