i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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