i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
