also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
vagina is talking i cant
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize