So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
