arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
