she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize