Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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