We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
