you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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