Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
