I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He better not be in your backpack
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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