singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
