i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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