i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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